The Epic Of Joegamesh: Book IV
The latest installment of the Adventures of Joegamesh and Markidu. This part was written by Mark and constitutes the latest part of the stroy written so far. Don't worry though I'll write Mark back sometime soon.
The Epic of Joegamesh
Book IV
Sleeping Beauty
After having opened up a can of whoopass on two identically-hideous chipmunks, this just after having had long make-out sessions with every woman in Dittmeruk, Joegamesh was pooped. Seeing that the hut in which the fight had taken place was furnished with a comfortable futon, Joegamesh stretched out and began sleeping peacefully. It was 5 p.m.
Nineteen hours later, Joegamesh woke up feeling himself again. His enthusiasm for a new set of adventures was renewed, and his first thought was--Oh gosh, Markidu's going to be pissed at me for sleeping in! He wouldn't leave without me, would he? And so Joegamesh stood up and went into the kitchen ... where he saw Markidu lying there on the floor, in the same spot he'd been sleeping the previous night. Joegamesh became agitated.
"Markidu, wake up!" he said, shaking his friend by the shoulders. Markidu was breathing, clearly alive, but showed no signs of consciousness. Joegamesh, totally freaked out, tried prying Markidu's eyelids open, but only saw the whites of his eyes. Markidu, still sleeping, lightly tried to bat away Joegamesh's hand.
"I don't want the birdie," he said, "It poops on everything. I hate poop. I hate the poopie birdie."
After an emotional fit during which Joegamesh cried a bucket of anxious tears, Joegamesh went back into town for lunch. For the next few weeks, he brought food home to the entranced Markidu, who managed to eat in his sleep, albeit messily. Joegamesh would also pour water down Markidu's throat, although the latter managed to spit out half of what was given him. "Look, mom, I'm swimming!" he would say on these occasions.
After an entire month, Joegamesh had to decide what to do. The townspeople were starting to look to him as the king again, and while that was kind of nice, it had been his plan to go adventuring with Markidu, and he didn't want to give that up. So on March 12, 2432 b.c. (or something--please correct this date to make it fit better into any time period you'd like it to fit into), Joegamesh hoisted his packed duffel bag over one shoulder and his sleeping giant-friend over his other shoulder, and hit the road.
Hed been travelling for over a week when he caught up to an old beggar who was walking along the same road. He said hello politely and meant to continue on, but the man seemed intent on conversation. It turned out the man's name was Confucious-amesh, and it turned out he had a lot of advice for Joegamesh.
"Make new friends, and keep the old," the beggar said as he scratched himself. "One is silver and the other gold."
"Okay," Joegamesh said, and the phrase sounded familiar. Perhaps the old beggar wasn't as crazy as he looked. He decided to try to get some answers. "Confucious-amesh: I have to ask you: What is the source of all wisdom?"
"Ahh, you are clearly a seeker, on the path to enlightement," Confucious-amesh said. "The source of all wisdom is www.joeydittmer.com."
"Huh?," Joegamesh said. "What's that?"
"It's a web site on the internet."
This of course only made Joegamesh more confused.
"It doesn't exist yet, but in the future it will change the whole world."
Joegamesh decided to take the old guy's word for it; he didn't know what a joeydittmer.com was, but he liked the sound of it. He then tried to get Confucious-amesh's help with his more immediate troubles.
"Confucious-amesh, my friend here Markidu is under some sort of spell. He's been asleep for two months now." Joegamesh then explained about the evil squirrels (are there any other kind?). "What should I do?" he asked.
"Ah, yes, this is very clear to me," Confucious-amesh siad. "Dale-baba has fixed Markidu with the Sleeping Beauty curse. He will sleep for eternity unless he receives a kiss on the lips from a young prince."
"A kiss from a young prince!" Joegamesh exclaimed. "But there's no young princes around here! I'll be dragging him around forever!"
"Ahh yes, most difficult," Confucious-amesh said. Soon after that, the two men parted ways. Of course, there was one young prince in the fertile valley through which Joegamesh walked--Joegamesh himself. But kissing Markidu on the lips?!--that was out of the question! Nothing could be more disgusting! Just thinking about it made Joegamesh angry, the thought that such circumstances could be forced upon him, that he would ever have to--
And then, abruptly, in a sneak attack to get it over with quickly as possible, Joegamesh swung Markidu off of his shoulder and grabbed him by the ears and ... with eyes pressed tight together, he leaned in, puckered up, and ....
Markidu had been dreaming about watching a baseball game. The sun was shining, his Oakland A's were winning, everything was just perfect, when all of a sudden he woke to the harsh reality of a man's lips smooching his own.
"BLECHH!" Markidu yelled, clubbing Joegamesh in the jaw. For the first time in two months, Markidu was awake.
"Aww, isn't that sweet," said a rider on horseback who passed the duo at just that moment. "I love spirng, the time of year when men's fancy turns to love." Joegamesh wanted to killl the guy, but he was too busy defending himself from Markidu, who was acting as if he would have rather slept a while longer.
He stayed mad for a few days, but after a while, Markidu was glad to be far from home, while Joegamesh was glad not to have to carry Markidu anymore.
The Epic of Joegamesh
Book IV
Sleeping Beauty
After having opened up a can of whoopass on two identically-hideous chipmunks, this just after having had long make-out sessions with every woman in Dittmeruk, Joegamesh was pooped. Seeing that the hut in which the fight had taken place was furnished with a comfortable futon, Joegamesh stretched out and began sleeping peacefully. It was 5 p.m.
Nineteen hours later, Joegamesh woke up feeling himself again. His enthusiasm for a new set of adventures was renewed, and his first thought was--Oh gosh, Markidu's going to be pissed at me for sleeping in! He wouldn't leave without me, would he? And so Joegamesh stood up and went into the kitchen ... where he saw Markidu lying there on the floor, in the same spot he'd been sleeping the previous night. Joegamesh became agitated.
"Markidu, wake up!" he said, shaking his friend by the shoulders. Markidu was breathing, clearly alive, but showed no signs of consciousness. Joegamesh, totally freaked out, tried prying Markidu's eyelids open, but only saw the whites of his eyes. Markidu, still sleeping, lightly tried to bat away Joegamesh's hand.
"I don't want the birdie," he said, "It poops on everything. I hate poop. I hate the poopie birdie."
After an emotional fit during which Joegamesh cried a bucket of anxious tears, Joegamesh went back into town for lunch. For the next few weeks, he brought food home to the entranced Markidu, who managed to eat in his sleep, albeit messily. Joegamesh would also pour water down Markidu's throat, although the latter managed to spit out half of what was given him. "Look, mom, I'm swimming!" he would say on these occasions.
After an entire month, Joegamesh had to decide what to do. The townspeople were starting to look to him as the king again, and while that was kind of nice, it had been his plan to go adventuring with Markidu, and he didn't want to give that up. So on March 12, 2432 b.c. (or something--please correct this date to make it fit better into any time period you'd like it to fit into), Joegamesh hoisted his packed duffel bag over one shoulder and his sleeping giant-friend over his other shoulder, and hit the road.
Hed been travelling for over a week when he caught up to an old beggar who was walking along the same road. He said hello politely and meant to continue on, but the man seemed intent on conversation. It turned out the man's name was Confucious-amesh, and it turned out he had a lot of advice for Joegamesh.
"Make new friends, and keep the old," the beggar said as he scratched himself. "One is silver and the other gold."
"Okay," Joegamesh said, and the phrase sounded familiar. Perhaps the old beggar wasn't as crazy as he looked. He decided to try to get some answers. "Confucious-amesh: I have to ask you: What is the source of all wisdom?"
"Ahh, you are clearly a seeker, on the path to enlightement," Confucious-amesh said. "The source of all wisdom is www.joeydittmer.com."
"Huh?," Joegamesh said. "What's that?"
"It's a web site on the internet."
This of course only made Joegamesh more confused.
"It doesn't exist yet, but in the future it will change the whole world."
Joegamesh decided to take the old guy's word for it; he didn't know what a joeydittmer.com was, but he liked the sound of it. He then tried to get Confucious-amesh's help with his more immediate troubles.
"Confucious-amesh, my friend here Markidu is under some sort of spell. He's been asleep for two months now." Joegamesh then explained about the evil squirrels (are there any other kind?). "What should I do?" he asked.
"Ah, yes, this is very clear to me," Confucious-amesh siad. "Dale-baba has fixed Markidu with the Sleeping Beauty curse. He will sleep for eternity unless he receives a kiss on the lips from a young prince."
"A kiss from a young prince!" Joegamesh exclaimed. "But there's no young princes around here! I'll be dragging him around forever!"
"Ahh yes, most difficult," Confucious-amesh said. Soon after that, the two men parted ways. Of course, there was one young prince in the fertile valley through which Joegamesh walked--Joegamesh himself. But kissing Markidu on the lips?!--that was out of the question! Nothing could be more disgusting! Just thinking about it made Joegamesh angry, the thought that such circumstances could be forced upon him, that he would ever have to--
And then, abruptly, in a sneak attack to get it over with quickly as possible, Joegamesh swung Markidu off of his shoulder and grabbed him by the ears and ... with eyes pressed tight together, he leaned in, puckered up, and ....
Markidu had been dreaming about watching a baseball game. The sun was shining, his Oakland A's were winning, everything was just perfect, when all of a sudden he woke to the harsh reality of a man's lips smooching his own.
"BLECHH!" Markidu yelled, clubbing Joegamesh in the jaw. For the first time in two months, Markidu was awake.
"Aww, isn't that sweet," said a rider on horseback who passed the duo at just that moment. "I love spirng, the time of year when men's fancy turns to love." Joegamesh wanted to killl the guy, but he was too busy defending himself from Markidu, who was acting as if he would have rather slept a while longer.
He stayed mad for a few days, but after a while, Markidu was glad to be far from home, while Joegamesh was glad not to have to carry Markidu anymore.
posted by Joey the Great at 8:17 AM
2 Comments:
This is very interesting site... »
Where did you find it? Interesting read »
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