The Epic Of Joegamesh: Book V

Book V: Inanna and the Bull of Heaven


After Joegamesh had administered the kiss of life to his friend Markidu. He and Markidu needed to spend some time with the ladies to get back in touch with the manly studs they truly were inside. Besides they both felt it was time for a little vacation from adventuring. So they went to the nearest town-Dittmari, and like a pair of lions stalking a sickly wildebeast they were on the hunt for some ladies to spend an enjoyable evening with. Being the studly dreamboats they were it didn't take them long before they both had themselves a woman and were enjoying themselves at one of the women's houses in an ancient Sumerian hot-tub. The ladies were quick to admire the radiant manly glory of the two. As Joegamesh and Markidu sported their swimming kaunakes(sheep skin skirts), their perfectly chiseled muscles rippled, and their skin gleamed like polished bronze. Unfortunately, the mortal ladies weren't the only ones who noticed. The goddess of love and war herself, Inanna, also noticed and she liked what she saw. She liked it a lot. She was especially drawn to Joegamesh for Markidu had a little more hair than she cared for in a beau. She just had to have him, so she came down from the lofty heavens to speak with Joegamesh. Her blazing glory and beauty frightened the ladies that Joegamesh and Markidu had picked up and they ran as they saw her descend. She spoke to Joegamesh, "Joegamesh, these mortal chicks are no equal for your glorious hunkiness. Only a goddess as radiant as myself can be your equal. Lucky for you I just might be looking for someone" and with the last comment she gave Joegamesh a deliberate wink. Joegamesh had to pause for a second, he was flattered by the idea, I mean Inanna was a goddess, and not just any goddess, the powerful goddess of love and war, in addition to that she was the hottest female Joegamesh had ever seen her feminine form was perfect and she seemed to beam with radiant glory and hotness. Nevertheless, with all the stories he learned of Inanna he remembered how she always used her lovers and then threw them away like a bag of moldy dates. Joegamesh replied to the glorious goddess, "So, you want me to be your lover, eh?" The goddess replied with a nod. Joegamesh continued, "You are hot, but I know of your treacherous nature, remember your first lover, the hunter, whom you turned into a deer only so he could be devoured by his own hunting dogs. Then there was the salt manufacturer who you grew tired of, you turned him into a slug!! What I'm trying to say is, no I will not be your lover, Inanna!!" At Joegamesh's words Inanna grew desperate, "but, Joegamesh, look at how hot I am".Joegamesh extended a hand and countered sassily, "talk to the hand, cause the ears don't understand!!". Inanna growing angry, made a final desperate atempt, "Joegamesh I must have you, take me now, I demand it!!", to which Joegamesh boldly replied with a taunting slap on his buttocks, "You can't have the Joegamesh!!". Inanna was now furious, "You, will regret spurning me Joegamesh, you and all of Dittmeruk!!!", "Whatever, toots!!" Joegamesh retorted, and with that final word spoken Inanna returned to heaven. Inanna returned to the heavens with a huff and went to her father, the sky god An. An if you don't let me borrow the bull of heaven to smite Dittmeruk I'm going to let all the dead people out of the underworld(Inanna having control to the gates of the underworld). An gave in to her request, knowing that it was impossible to reason with her when she was angry and agreed to let her use the bull of heaven. Lucky For Joegamesh however, the glorious sun god Shamash, who was a friend to Joegamesh and Markidu, overheard the discussion of Inanna and sent a warning to Markidu that night in a dream. That night after a day of fun and games with Joegamesh, Markidu dreamed of fire and destruction in Dittmeruk and a 20ft tall bull with fearsome blazing eyes, breathing fire upon the terrified inhabitants of the city. He woke with a start, and shook his friend, "Joegamesh we must return to Dittmeruk immediately!!", Joegamesh replied groggily, "Is it noon already? Markidu, what are you talking about, the Miss Dittmeruk competition is not for another 4 months?". Markidu explained, "Joegamesh, since you dissed Inanna she has sent the horrible fire breathing bull of heaven to destroy Dittmeruk, Shamash showed it all to me in a dream!!" Joegamesh, not being one to doubt his friend quickly packed his things and were off to save their city. They returned as quickly as possible, riding the swiftest donkeys money can buy. Upon reaching the city Markidu saw the vision from his nightmare. Houses and markets were burning, as a horrible bull with blazing eyes stomped throughout the city. The heroic pair watched in horror as twenty valiant young men tried to attack the beast only to fall vistim to its fire breath. Another group tried to ambush the creature in a dark alley, to no avail. All were roasted. Could nothing stop this horrible beast, Joegamesh and Markidu wondered.