Akkadian Valentines

Greetings internetgoers. I told you earlier about the wonders of Akkadian and the usage of said dead language to pick up on the ladies. I received some comments that my pick up lines were a little weak, and I must confess that they were. Luckily I have been practicing the Akkadian and feel my skills have been improving greatly. In fact for last Valentines day I not only translated Valentines(or tuppi libbim "tablets of heart" my made up Akkadian words for Valentine) into Akkadian but had them transcribed into Old Babylonian cuneiform on pink(for Valentines Day) tablets. I even gave some of these tablets to real girls(with English translations of course). Needless to say libbi beletim akshud or I conquered the hearts of the ladies. Here is a copy of the valentines I made in Akkadian, with English translations following. These lines will be sure to conquer the hearts of the ladies, especially if you hit one of those space time continuum things so prevalent nowadays and get trapped in Hammurabi's Old Babylonian empire. So without further ado here they are:

I. Yusepum, qarradum sharahum, libbi beletim ina emuqisha dannim ikashud, u libbishu ina banutiki takshudi

Joey(Yusepum-made up word), the magnificent hero, conquers the hearts of the ladies by his mighty strength, but you conquered his heart by your fineness.

II. Shumi Yusepum. Bashti dannat. Shumi hattam itti tanittim ikattam. Kati ewam tuppi libbiya arrish.

My name is Joey. My good looks are mighty. My name covers the branch(referring to the singles branch the congregation I attend within my church consisting of unmarried single LDS people between the ages of 18 and 30) with glory. I desire you become my Valentine.

III. tenashi? ashum kabatti ana kala umim talliki.

Are you becoming weak? because you ran around my mind all day.

IV. Suhartum tabtum atti. Libbi Tashriqi. Wardum ana kashim anaku.

You are a fine young woman. You stole my heart. I am a slave for you.

V. Tabutki dannum libbi sha madutim dannutim awili ikshud.

Your strong sweetness conquers the hearts of many mighty men.

VI. Emmatati kima diparum. Bishi tuppi libbiya.

You are hot like a torch. Be my Valentine.

VII. Bashtiki dannum ikshudanni-ma libbi isir.

Your mighty good looks have conquered me and taken my heart captive.

VIII. Shulmam tanaddinam-ma libbi takshudi

As you gave me greeting you conquered my heart.(Or for a more idiomatic rendering: "you had me at hello")

IX. Terreshinni? shutri annam u la.
( ) ( ) (parentheses denote check boxes)
annam la

Do you desire me? Inscribe yes or no
( ) ( )
yes no
(okay this one [IX] is not much of a Valentine, but I made it anyway, just for fun)

X. Suhartum bantum suharu kalu, qadum yati irreshu.

Beautiful young woman all young men want you, including me.

XI. Wardam ana natalim sha buniki bantim abashi.

I would become a slave to see your beautiful face.

XII. Lalatuki shurbatum libbi innisha.

Your very great charms make my heart weak.

XIII. Libbi kabit, ederam kati ahshih.

My heart is heavy, I need to hug you.

XIV. Suhartum magal bantum atti. Yati kali u kati annashaq.

You are a very fine young woman. Restrain me or I will kiss you.

XV. Anumma annam ina ilum samshim Shamash atamma, atti reshu tuppi libbim.

Now this I swear by the sun god Shamash, you're tops Valentine.

XVI. Tuppi libbim bantum atti, tanittaki tabat

You are a fine Valentine, your praise is sweet.

XVII. Inaki uqnan zakan
shaptaki illuran bantan
mashaki garum tabum
gattiki sharrah
lalatuki shurbuati tuppi libbim

Your eyes are pure lapis lazuli(a beautiful blue stone)
Your lips are(a pair of) beautiful red flowers
Your skin is fine cream
Your form is magnificent
Your charms are very great Valentine

XVIII. Kati, suhartum, adabbub, libbi tashriqi

I should tell you, young woman, you stole my heart.

XIX. Kati anassar-ma libbi idmiq. Bishi tuppi libbiya.

As I was watching you my heart prospered. Be my Valentine.

XX. Suhartum bantum la tarriki qibi kati Yusepum arrish

Fine young woman, don't delay say, "I want you Joey"

Notes(i.e. boring stuff I felt obligated to include):
I don't know how to put symbols in here so I made due without them, I should note
though that h is hard as in the pronunciation of the ch in loch, and also that my "sh" are
pronounced as the usual English "sh", but they correspond to one symbol in standard
renderings of Akkadian , that symbol being an s with a little down pointed wedge at the
top of it. The main reason I mention this is that the use of "sh" instead of the special "s"
makes the necessary reduplication of some consonants as in ikas*s*ad(s* denotes special
"sh" "s") impractical and confusing(i.e. I didn't think writing ikashshad was a very good
idea) so instead of the standard doubling of consonants in certain situations I opted for a
simplified phonetic rendering, and use nothing but the basic English letters. It should also
be noted that emphatic consonants and lengthened vowels are also not marked in my
renderings of Akkadian. Besides the "sh" "s", and the hard pronunciation of "h", the
consonants are pronounced like their English equivalents, and I will give vowel
pronunciation as follows, It should be noted that the following is taken from John
Huehnergard's book "A Grammar of Akkadian"(more bibliographical info: 3d printing
with corrections,2000, orignally published 1997, Eisenbrauns, Winona Lake, Indiana),
page 1, and also that most of my Akkadian knowledge is also gleaned from this book, but
I also used A Concise Dictionary of Akkadian ed. by Jeremy Black et al.( 2nd corrected
printing, 2000 Harrasowitz verlag Wiesbaden) for my translations as well as the
following website:
http://www.premiumwanadoo.com/cuneiform.languages/dictionary/index_en.php
Anyway now that I got that Bibliographical info out of the way here is a chart from Huehnergard's Grammar of Akkadian pg. 1 about how scholars believe the vowels were pronounced:
Short Vowels: Long vowels(marked with a strait line or
upward pointed wedge over the letter*):
a as in swap a as in father
e as in pet e as in rein
i as in pit i as in marine
u as in put u as in rule


*my renderings don't include long vowel marks, but I thought I would note how they are pronounced anyway, you will just have to guess which are long and which are short, or read Huehnergard's Grammar of Akkadian for yourself.

At any rate I hope all those notes make my Akkadian translations all the more fun, and appease the persons to whom I owe a great debt for my Akkadian knowledge, such as Mr. Huehnergard and Mr. Black. I know I didn't quite use proper form in citing their sources, but hopefully I gave enough to show that plagiarism is not my intent at all. So, internetgoers I hope you gain some amusement from this, hopefully it wasn't too long and boring.