The Epic of Joegamesh Book VIII: The quest for Derek-Napishtim the faraway continues(sort of)
Here is Mark's long awaited continuation of our great epic. He didn't provide a title for this so I supplied one myself. So without further ado here it is:
The Epic of Joegamesh Book VIII: The Quest for Derek-Napishtim the faraway continues(sort of)
Joegamesh and Markidu were tired and thirsty. The directions to the remote spot where they could find the hostate Derek Napishtim were very clear, but Joegamesh and Markidu had set out on their journey without looking at all of the distances. "Proceed across the desert for 10,000 miles," the directions said. "Then, when you get to the stream, take a right."
By the time they had travelled 5,000 miles, Joegamesh and Markidu had drunken all of their water. By the time they had travelled 6,000 miles, both were secretly plotting to attack and eat one another during the night.
"How are you feeling?" Markidu asked Joegamesh. "Does your body still feel hydrated?"
"Oh, sure!" Joegamesh said, not wanting Markidu to know how thirsty he was for anything--for Markidu's bodily fluids in particular. "I'm feeling really tip top, never been better. It's good to get some exercise out in the fresh air."
"So," Markidu continued, "There's probably a lot of water inside you. The human body is made of over 50 percent water, and you weigh about 300 pounds, so I think that means that there's 150 pounds of water inside of you."
"What are you talking about?" Joegamesh asked. He had momentarily stopped paying attention to the words coming out of Markidu's mouth, because he was busy stearing inside Markidu's mouth ... he thought he saw beads of saliva, and he desperately wanted to drink them.
"Oh nothing!" Markidu said, eyeing the 150-pounds of life-saving water that walked at his side. "Just thinking out loud, ha ha!"
The two companions-turned-rivals-for-survival had their thoughts interrupted at about the 6,500-mile mark by the most peculiar site. Something like lightning flashed, a sudden wind raked the desert, and a square rectangular box about seven feet high and three feet by three feet in length and width landed in the desert not far away from them. It was a metal box, and it had apparently materialized out of nowhere. After a few seconds, a door in it opened, and strange-looking people wearing all manners of strange fabrics started coming out of the box. Two of the people, young men, approached Joegamesh and Markidu.
"How's it goin' Caveman Dudes?" said one of the men.
"We're saved!" Markidu said to Joegamesh. "Sucking the bodily fluids of these people will sustain us for days!"
"Whoah, that sounds totally bogus!" said the other man. They were dressed in loud colors and strange patterns, and they had their faces shaven, like women. They also had longish hair. "Dudes, we're just looking for Joegamesh and Markidu to help us with our history report! No need to like, suck our bodily fluids."
"Bill, I think these guys ARE Joegamesh and Markidu! They're in the middle of their famous 10,000-mile trek through the desert. They must be totally thirsty!"
"Totally, Ted, you're right as usual! But where would we want to take two totally thirsty Neanderthal heroes?"
Both men paused, then took a deep breath and answered the question in unison: "WATER WORLD!"
Within an hour, Markidu and Joegamesh had been transported by Bill and Ted to the year 1988, to the Water World amusement park in San Dimas, California. As soon as they exited the cramped phone booth that doubled as a time-travelling machine, the two heroes raced to a nearby oasis of blue water, plunged their heads into it and gulped. The water tasted sour and disgusting.
"Is this a trick?" Joegamesh demanded, confronting Bill and Ted.
"We will eat you alive!" Markidu threatened.
"Caveman dudes!" exclaimed Ted, "Chill out, please! That water you drank is only for swimming; the drinking water is over here!"
Once their extreme thirst was finally satisfied at the drinking fountain and then their extreme hunger was satisfied at the nearby refreshments kiosk (Bill and Ted kindly paid for everything), the two epic heroes were free to explore the future. They saw that the women of the future were much different than the women they were accustomed to.
"Where's all their hair?" Markidu said to Ted.
"They're so skinny, they look like toothpicks," Joegamesh said to Bill.
Though they felt infinitely more handsome than all the shaved, puny creatures that populated the amusement park, it was a little uncomfortable how everybody stared at them and treated them different. (No one laughed at them, not after the first guy was instantly mauled for his mistake in doing so.)
This continued over the next couple of days leading up to Bill and Ted's report. Joegamesh handled it well, but Markidu did not; he missed being idolized and started trying to fit in more with the strange humans that populated San Dimas. He cut his hair and shaved his beard; he took to wearing suits and spending time working on Ted's father's computer. When it came time for all of the important historical figures (there had been lots of others in the phone booth) to help Bill and Ted with their book report, Markidu hogged the stage, and spoke so fast that Benjamin Franklin walked off the stage in a huff because Markidu wouldn't let him get a word in.
When the presentation was over, it was time for all of the historical figures to go home. Joegamesh couldn't wait to get back to the goddess Innana, but Markidu wasn't so sure.
"Is it really time to go back already?" he asked when Bill and Ted began rounding up the troops. "I just got a job interview at Starbucks, which is just across the street from the Old Navy where that girl Gloria works ... I think she likes me. I think I want to stay here in San Dimas."
"Suit yourself, Mark-Dude," Bill and Ted said, and they walked toward the phone booth. But minutes later, Markidu looked up from the computer at which he was practicing typing and saw his old friend Joegamesh in the doorway. At first he was going to scold Joegamesh for continuing in his caveman-like appearance, but then he realized--Joegamesh was here to say good-bye.
Then Markidu realized he had to go back home, he could not say good-bye to everybody from his old life, and so he got up and said, "I'm coming, Joegamesh. I don't know what I was thinking."
So they both went back to the desert, and continued on their journey to save Derek-Napishtim, carrying with them special souvenir water bottles that would remind them of their trip to the future.
The Epic of Joegamesh Book VIII: The Quest for Derek-Napishtim the faraway continues(sort of)
Joegamesh and Markidu were tired and thirsty. The directions to the remote spot where they could find the hostate Derek Napishtim were very clear, but Joegamesh and Markidu had set out on their journey without looking at all of the distances. "Proceed across the desert for 10,000 miles," the directions said. "Then, when you get to the stream, take a right."
By the time they had travelled 5,000 miles, Joegamesh and Markidu had drunken all of their water. By the time they had travelled 6,000 miles, both were secretly plotting to attack and eat one another during the night.
"How are you feeling?" Markidu asked Joegamesh. "Does your body still feel hydrated?"
"Oh, sure!" Joegamesh said, not wanting Markidu to know how thirsty he was for anything--for Markidu's bodily fluids in particular. "I'm feeling really tip top, never been better. It's good to get some exercise out in the fresh air."
"So," Markidu continued, "There's probably a lot of water inside you. The human body is made of over 50 percent water, and you weigh about 300 pounds, so I think that means that there's 150 pounds of water inside of you."
"What are you talking about?" Joegamesh asked. He had momentarily stopped paying attention to the words coming out of Markidu's mouth, because he was busy stearing inside Markidu's mouth ... he thought he saw beads of saliva, and he desperately wanted to drink them.
"Oh nothing!" Markidu said, eyeing the 150-pounds of life-saving water that walked at his side. "Just thinking out loud, ha ha!"
The two companions-turned-rivals-for-survival had their thoughts interrupted at about the 6,500-mile mark by the most peculiar site. Something like lightning flashed, a sudden wind raked the desert, and a square rectangular box about seven feet high and three feet by three feet in length and width landed in the desert not far away from them. It was a metal box, and it had apparently materialized out of nowhere. After a few seconds, a door in it opened, and strange-looking people wearing all manners of strange fabrics started coming out of the box. Two of the people, young men, approached Joegamesh and Markidu.
"How's it goin' Caveman Dudes?" said one of the men.
"We're saved!" Markidu said to Joegamesh. "Sucking the bodily fluids of these people will sustain us for days!"
"Whoah, that sounds totally bogus!" said the other man. They were dressed in loud colors and strange patterns, and they had their faces shaven, like women. They also had longish hair. "Dudes, we're just looking for Joegamesh and Markidu to help us with our history report! No need to like, suck our bodily fluids."
"Bill, I think these guys ARE Joegamesh and Markidu! They're in the middle of their famous 10,000-mile trek through the desert. They must be totally thirsty!"
"Totally, Ted, you're right as usual! But where would we want to take two totally thirsty Neanderthal heroes?"
Both men paused, then took a deep breath and answered the question in unison: "WATER WORLD!"
Within an hour, Markidu and Joegamesh had been transported by Bill and Ted to the year 1988, to the Water World amusement park in San Dimas, California. As soon as they exited the cramped phone booth that doubled as a time-travelling machine, the two heroes raced to a nearby oasis of blue water, plunged their heads into it and gulped. The water tasted sour and disgusting.
"Is this a trick?" Joegamesh demanded, confronting Bill and Ted.
"We will eat you alive!" Markidu threatened.
"Caveman dudes!" exclaimed Ted, "Chill out, please! That water you drank is only for swimming; the drinking water is over here!"
Once their extreme thirst was finally satisfied at the drinking fountain and then their extreme hunger was satisfied at the nearby refreshments kiosk (Bill and Ted kindly paid for everything), the two epic heroes were free to explore the future. They saw that the women of the future were much different than the women they were accustomed to.
"Where's all their hair?" Markidu said to Ted.
"They're so skinny, they look like toothpicks," Joegamesh said to Bill.
Though they felt infinitely more handsome than all the shaved, puny creatures that populated the amusement park, it was a little uncomfortable how everybody stared at them and treated them different. (No one laughed at them, not after the first guy was instantly mauled for his mistake in doing so.)
This continued over the next couple of days leading up to Bill and Ted's report. Joegamesh handled it well, but Markidu did not; he missed being idolized and started trying to fit in more with the strange humans that populated San Dimas. He cut his hair and shaved his beard; he took to wearing suits and spending time working on Ted's father's computer. When it came time for all of the important historical figures (there had been lots of others in the phone booth) to help Bill and Ted with their book report, Markidu hogged the stage, and spoke so fast that Benjamin Franklin walked off the stage in a huff because Markidu wouldn't let him get a word in.
When the presentation was over, it was time for all of the historical figures to go home. Joegamesh couldn't wait to get back to the goddess Innana, but Markidu wasn't so sure.
"Is it really time to go back already?" he asked when Bill and Ted began rounding up the troops. "I just got a job interview at Starbucks, which is just across the street from the Old Navy where that girl Gloria works ... I think she likes me. I think I want to stay here in San Dimas."
"Suit yourself, Mark-Dude," Bill and Ted said, and they walked toward the phone booth. But minutes later, Markidu looked up from the computer at which he was practicing typing and saw his old friend Joegamesh in the doorway. At first he was going to scold Joegamesh for continuing in his caveman-like appearance, but then he realized--Joegamesh was here to say good-bye.
Then Markidu realized he had to go back home, he could not say good-bye to everybody from his old life, and so he got up and said, "I'm coming, Joegamesh. I don't know what I was thinking."
So they both went back to the desert, and continued on their journey to save Derek-Napishtim, carrying with them special souvenir water bottles that would remind them of their trip to the future.
posted by Joey the Great at 11:54 AM
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